Living with a chronic illness

Shards of light

 

Through the spaces between the branches shards of light fall to the ground.  As the breeze catches the leaves the light begins to dance.  Come and sit down next to me because I want to talk to you.

Of late you have been very quiet and I always know when something is wrong.  The dancing lights stop and go into hiding.  The sun can shine as brightly as possible and the leaves can shake in the breeze but still you will not dance.  Do you feel like your dancing days are over?  If so, you are wrong.  I know you think you are always right but in this case you are wrong.  Your dancing is still within you but you must learn to listen more carefully. 

I can feel you stiffen as you want to protest but can’t find the words so I take my chance and continue.  If you listened more carefully you would hear all you need to hear and then you would understand.  You would understand the rhythm again and you would feel the beat of the internal drum.  The problem is that, from time to time, you stop listening and the music leaves you. 

 

Once the music has gone the dancing has gone and you only have your self to blame.  I blame you.  Don’t turn your back to me because I can still see you and I can still feel you.  I can feel the flutterings of emotion rising and falling and I can see the dark cave you want to hide in.  When will you learn that there is no hiding?  We are bound together just like the leaves on the branches and together we need to wait for the breeze.  When it comes this time will you please be ready?  Will you please listen? 

 

I don’t ask that much of you and I even put up with the odd quiet time but this has gone on too long now and I simply can’t accept it.  I won’t accept it and nor should you.  You should have more pride and more purpose.  You should learn to take some quiet time as a time to recharge and rebuild.   You should not try and hide in a dark cave because you don’t belong there. 

You belong deep inside me in the place that I know as ‘me’.  You are my soul and I love you very much.  Listen, here come the breeze again and soon the light will be dancing.  Dance as if your life depended on it and we will dance together forever. 

 

Just a gentle account of what it is like living with a chronic illness and the need to keep dancing.  May 2013