Who put the flowers in the cage?

On the greyest of days why does the sun find this place?  Why does it cast light shadows around the stones?  This is a special place, it is a place to sleep bathed in the morning sun.  Deep below the spirits gently wake to the warming sun and begin their dance.  A daily ritual that is shared and loved by all.  Nancie, William and Margaret join the dance as it brushes past their souls that once more begins their day.  A day filled with joy and a day filled with hope.  In this quiet and removed place a lonely being enters the heavy rusty gate that does not invite them in.  Book in hand she silently moves within the stones, hoping not to disturb but watching the light.  She has seen the light, will she see the dance?  Janet and Colin take flight and rest at her heels as the visitor pauses to read a stone.  Scribbling in her book more spirits take flight to read the words and whisper them to others who now all stir and stretch.  Awake and alive they all look on as their visitor captures the stones in permanent image.  But she has seen the light and she has started to follow its path.  Ramsay and Isabella see her coming but dare not look for fear she will see their shadows deep inside the light. 

Slowly the light starts to dance and the spirits know it is now.  This is the time to fly so high and spiral down.  But she is here and so they pause.  They wait and try to hide their shadows.  Still she scribbles as more names appear on the page.  Quite by chance she spots the cage all filled with flowers, all safe and warm.  With fear embraced the spirits see her turn to look and see and in that second she sees.  They know she can see.  She looks up and through the light as one by one the shadows appear. In an instinct she reaches out and takes one to her and the spirits stop and stare.  Mary is trapped and the visitor holds tight as the dance slows and the light fades. All at once and with no warning the spirits encircle her and she can hold on no more.  Mary is free as the spirits spiral up and up, away into the light.  She drops her book on the wet grass below and the stillness returns.  She knows they are there.  She can feel their breath and she can hear their hearts beating.  The spirits watch and hope that the rusty gate will open and the departure begin.  Still they wait.

Just as their hearts begin to ache she takes a step towards the gate but turns.  Her book is still on the wet grass and as she reaches down Robert takes great pity.  Spiralling down at speed he lifts the book to her and she smiles.  She knows, we know she knows.  The rusty gate remains shut tight and the light slowly returns.  The visitor stands quite still and silent and, one by one, they return to the light.  Nancie, William, Margaret and Isobel drift down first and rest on her shoulders while the rest take their positions.  The dance must be danced as the light is fading and the clouds are gathering.  And so, as she watches the spirits dance and the light sets their way.  It is a dance that is danced every day and it is a dance that they love.  It makes them feel alive, just for the briefest time.  As the light fades so does the dance and the spirits leave the visitor and she feels them go.  She holds her book very close as the spirits drift away between the stones.  With as much silence as she can muster she opens the gate and steps out of the light.  As she walks away through the trees dripping with the beginnings of rain she takes a gentle look back.  Who put the flowers in the cage?

I'm turning for home - a short story.

I’m turning for home.  I am ready to go home and I am not sure why it has taken me this long.  I have been away a life time, but yet a heart beat.  They have always been in my thoughts but I have not been ready before.  I am ready now.

The day I left started as a normal day in the hectic lives we lived.  Hattie and Jake were arguing over the cereal box free gift and Mark was searching for his keys and bemoaning how late he was.  In that second I entered a new space.  I was not in my kitchen and I was not surrounded by my family.  I was quite alone.  I could not see my new world, I could just feel it.  In the next second I was once more back in my kitchen that bore witness to hectic morning after hectic morning.  As Mark flew out the door screaming at the children to get in the car I moved to the front door.  I could see them all from there and I could wave.  I was waving goodbye.

The next few hours are not clear in my mind.  I know I cleared away the breakfast things, I always clear up.  I hate mess.  I know I took my keys as I walked out the door.  Did I think then that I would, one day, be back.

The days that followed were much clearer.  I drove for miles and miles until I could drive no more.  I booked into a hotel and I just waited.  I am not quite sure what I was waiting for but I waited nevertheless.  I waited until I could speak again and I waited until I could breathe.  Slowly, quietly, I could feel the breath return into my lungs and I took shorts gasps just to feel the air as it moved around my body.  The first day I spoke was to ask for directions in this new and strange town that I found myself in.  I wanted a newspaper.  I wanted to find out what was going on in the world.  As I walked back to my hotel I saw an advertisement for a receptionist.  I had worked as a receptionist before I had the children.  I could do that again, I knew I could.

I spoke at my interview and I was surprised at how well I spoke.  But when they asked the question ‘do you have any family?’  I said ‘no.’  Why did I say that?  Did I no longer have a family?  Had I given them up?  I must have said some right words because I got the job and started almost immediately.  Over the next few days as I encountered new and strange people at work I invented a whole new life for myself.  I was single and had previously worked in a library and I was looking for a fresh start.  I heard a couple of the girls whispering about me and they assumed I had a failed relationship so I let them.

Was my relationship to Mark a failure?  I was not sure so I waited some more.  I waited every morning as I walked to work and I waited every evening.  I had managed to find a room in a house not far from where I worked.  It was more of a granny annex attached to a house and I was pretty much left alone.  I liked being alone as I could wait in peace.  I never once touched our bank account or called anyone from my old life.  I didn’t want to be found, just yet. 

My life settled into a routine.  I was careful not to become too friendly with anyone because I didn’t want a social life.  I had a social life in my old life and it choked me.  The endless chatting about nothing important filled me with dread every time I saw one of them in the street.  I would smile, but behind my eyes a different emotion was brewing.  I hated all of them, every single one of them.  I hated their moaning, I hated their selfishness and I always hated their latest hair cuts.  I hated it all and I was glad it wasn’t in my life anymore. 

My new life offered me so much more.  I could wake to just the sounds of the day, instead of shouting and arguing.  I could take my time over breakfast and I could walk to work.  I was useful at work and I felt content in that.  I smiled at all our customers and went out of my way to be helpful and accommodating.  When my helpful day was over I walked home the long way which took me to the river.  I loved the river.  Over time I could see the seasons changing and leaving their mark on the river.  As it wound its way through the town it paused every so often to imprint itself on our place.  I listened to the story of the river and would pause quite often to see its charm.  It was in those brief moments that I would see their faces.  Hattie’s always arrived first with Jake right behind and I smiled at them and said ‘hello.’  I hoped they could hear me. 

When they were born I was suspended in time for days as I tried to come to terms with being a mum.  Not a mum of one baby, but two and so far out of my depth that I thought I would cry forever.  I cried for days and then weeks but eventually the tears were replaced with half smiles and then proud beaming smiles and I knew I had found the joy of motherhood.  That feeling of joy carried me through so much and I rather depended on it.  I realise now that I had taken it for granted.  Slowly, from the edges that feeling was under threat.  It was threatened by a new set of feelings that began to erase the joy.  These new feelings asked me questions all the time.  So many questions that would never stop, even at night.  I would lie awake listening to sleep all around me, but still the questions came.  Eventually, I had the courage to start answering the questions but I did not like my answers and so would whisper them quietly for fear I would hear them. 

Weeks, months and year had passed like this and I am not sure I smiled once all that time.  My mouth smiled and the world believed it but my heart never smiled.  My heart was heavy and I became tired of carrying it around all day, every day.  Just occasionally I would see something and my heart felt light again.  Hattie sharing a moment with her twin or Mark cutting the grass.  But mostly my heart weighed me down and became a burden. 

My new life trundled forward and months became two years.  I managed to stay alone and distance people from me and I managed to live.  That was important because I had forgotten how to live before I arrived in my new place.  Springs turned to summers and summers to autumns and then the winters.  The winters were cold and the river left such a sad imprint on the town during those months.  I stopped walking along the river then and waited for the spring to arrive.  It was after the second winter, which was particularly long, that I became desperate for the spring.  I wanted to, once again, walk along the river.  I wanted to see the nests being built and I wanted to see the green shoots poking up through the water. 

At last the spring did arrive.  I heard it very clearly in the bird song.  What happened next is unclear again.  All I know is that I was driving.  I was driving home.  The miles stretched out ahead of me and time seemed to stand still as I drove my car along the roads that led me home.  I was ready, I knew I was.  I could see all their faces now.  Hattie with her cheeky smile, Jake with his cross face and even Mark was looking at me.  He could see me, I knew he could and I could see him.

 
As I turned the corner into our street I just stopped by the side of the road, some distance from the house and waited.  I waited for them to come home and I waited to be with them once more.  As their car pulled into the drive I could hardly breathe.  My breath was starting to escape from my lungs.  I saw Hattie first as she tumbled out of the car with Jake close at her heels.  Her face had changed and Jake had grown so tall.  I heard Mark’s voice as he stepped out of the car.  I couldn’t see his face as he fumbled for his keys and opened the front door.  The door that I used to stand at and wave them off.  They all walked into the house and the door closed.  I had no breath left.  I started my car and slowly, very slowly drove past the house.  I kept driving and I didn’t look back