I met a man today on my walk. A walk I do most days along the beach near my house. I like to think of it as my beach and often it is. But not today. Today I met a man. I could see him in the distance walking towards me and he reminded me of you. As he got closer I could see that he had your build and his face looked like yours. I tried not to look, but my eyes lifted every so often. Soon, he was right there. He had a large piece of driftwood as a walking stick. He paused and looked right at me. He was about your age and then I realised, in an instance, that he had your smell. He stood still and looked right at me. I stood still and looked right at him. He smiled and it was quite wonderful. The kind of smile that only a man of his age could smile. It said a thousand things and it said nothing. I thought he wasn’t going to speak so I dropped my eyes. He said ‘ Hello’. Not ‘Hi’. I would have been disappointed with ‘Hi’. I raised my eyes almost too slowly. I said ‘Hello’ back and he smiled again. I think I smiled back but I am not sure now. Then there was a moment where we just looked. We looked at each other and in that moment we shared a small sign. A sign that we appreciated each other. A sign that we knew we appreciated each other. It was quite glorious. I think I moved first and then he moved and we passed each other. He planted his stick in the sand as he walked away step by step.
I needed to turn round and look at him. I needed to see his face again and I longed to see the smile again. I kept walking but with a burning, aching feeling welling up inside. I knew he was aching, I just knew. When he was far enough away I took a quick turn and saw that he was climbing up the rocks away from the shore. He was leaving and I ached even more. I turned back to my own walking but only managed a few steps before I turned again. I saw him get into one of those big cars that men often drive and he drove forward. He was leaving so I carried on walking. Another few steps and something made me turn again. He was turning the car round and he was driving close to the shore. He was driving towards me. As he drew level with me the world stopped. It just stopped and then I realised he had stopped just ahead of me. I raised my eyes and I could see him in his rear view mirror. He was looking right at me. I looked back. He smiled. I smiled back, I know I did. I kept looking at that mirror as he slowly drove away.
I can still see your smile.
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